Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
