alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
