i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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