12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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