she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
