Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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