shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
