I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
