Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
