Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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