Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
