"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
