I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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