If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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