I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's always time for handjobs
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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