I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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