The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
