sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
