im holly from the hills drunk
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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