Do you still have your period?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
