Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
