its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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