I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
