so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
