we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish you could order shots online.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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