nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
