Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
