I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
