Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
