Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
