In the future we'll all be gay
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
