census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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