I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
be right there i have to get my cape
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
