just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
