You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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