I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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