tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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