Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
