Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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