My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
