How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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