my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
