so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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