Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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