i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
