I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
