did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And then my night got REAL pukey
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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