Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
