I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
