At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
